By me, with art by the great Sam Messerly.
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I received a tongue lashing that evening from Mayor Pilky over the phone, but a few excuses about my electric work at the library placated her a little—but only after I listened to Pilky preach about the importance of “our dinosaur king” to the future of our fine city and his standing as the reigning king and a litany of other reasons why I need to take my role more seriously. And I listened and I nodded and I said “yes, yes” and eventually I hung up and went to bed in a fog of frustration.
I didn’t sleep well that night. The eggs from beneath the house rolled through my dreams. The idea of dinosaurs secretly visiting the human world “all the time” introduced a million monster movie scenarios in my head, as did the idea of the “Kingdom of Eternity” (or whatever it’s called). Where was this kingdom? In the center of the earth? Somewhere in South America? On a mysterious island with a giant ape? In an inexplicably tropical land hidden near the South Pole? On the moon? In North Korea? Where?
And of course Warbell with those teeth, those grinning killer teeth. It made me weak at the knees just thinking about them.
I couldn’t sleep in my bedroom. I slept in a guest room in the basement that I hoped Warbell didn’t know about. Or at least I tried to sleep. Mostly I tossed and turned all night long.
The next morning I awoke to my alarm—not to the sound of a dinosaur at my window. It was six am. I bumbled blearily out of bed, but images of Warbell assaulting the neighborhood drove me to dress quickly and dash upstairs and out my front door.
“Good morning, Walter,” said Warbell.
The tyrannosaurus was standing placidly next to the large oak in my front yard, and was lipping the leaves.
It took me a while to realize just what was going on, and when I did realize, I did a double-take. Warbell was lipping the leaves because he had no teeth at all!
“Now I’ve made a list,” said Warbell with a strange lisp, “A list of all the companies in town. I have been working through said list, trying to find the sorts of jobs which I think I will be able to use to get to know my subjects most effectively. I am curious to talk over the options with you before you must go and take care of your electrician’s work.”
I was quiet long enough that Warbell turned from his lipping of the leaves to look at me.
“Well? If you are worried about my breakfast, I have already eaten. Today, leaves. Mostly maple. Cheap.”
“What happened to your teeth?” I asked.
“I removed them,” Warbell said. “You are my subject, and my teeth obviously make you very uncomfortable. Not just you, either. There were others at the park yesterday who were very frightened to see my teeth.”
“But so what?” I asked.
Warbell drew himself up to his full height.
“So it is the duty of a true king to take into account the needs of his subjects,” he said. “And if those subjects are scared of my teeth, a king should be glad to make the sacrifice of a few ivories.”